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The Self Examiner
Sharing is very important to us at Cafe Gratitude. This blog is our means of connecting with you, our community through sharing what's happening with us and creating a conversation around the many facets of this community.
Tags >> workshop
A group of amazing young people were out to the farm today to help us collect all the butternut squash from the fields. It is so fun to have them come and see what the farm is really all about. Their energy and help is so appreciated. Thank you all.
Cacao is off to spend a couple of months with Dex the bull. We went to visit her today and she looks great and was having fun, running the hillside with the other cattle. I imagine the exercise is good for her too, she had gotten so chubby! She let me rub her face and scratch her around the horns, one of her favorite things!
Leche is doing great, it is easier to see the difference in the pregnancies now (or what we thought was a pregnancy)! She spends her days with one of the chicken families and they enjoy sharing their sprouts and wheat grass together! It is quite the scene.
These warm days and evenings are appreciated before winter comes. We are able to prepare fields for spring planting and the fall garden is in full swing now. Cauliflour, broccoli, cabbage, lettuce all in abundance. The peppers are still finishing up and we are roasting them daily.
I shared that we bottled last years wine and we crushed and put into barrels (three!) this years harvest. We have enjoyed what is called "fresh wine", only fermented for two weeks prior to putting into oak. It is on the sweet side and delicious! Javier loves making wine and seems like he could do it all day every day, it is definitely his "gift" and passion.
The days are shorter and I can begin to feel things starting to slow down a bit (seasonally). However life still feels like I carry a full bucket. We leave for a family reunion in Los Angeles on Saturday, then return home that night, head to SF to sleep, and leave for Maui on Sunday morning to prepare for our Community Building workshop there.
I am so grateful for the support of community and especially Cary's father Jon, during some of the challenges we are facing. He has sent me so many great references, and inspiring sermons, and daily reads to keep our spirits up and focused on what really matters. I am blessed.
Today I read a sermon he sent that shared how important "strife" is in any community, that resistance is what makes us stronger, more connected, and shored up to our mission.
Thank you all for continuing to support Cafe Gratitude and we are grateful to have you as part of our family.
Love.
Terces
Tagged in: workshop , red wine , maui , farm life , farm lessons , farm crew , Fall , community , Cacao- cow , Be Love Farm
Hi Everyone,
Today we are in the city leading our Abounding River workshop in Spanish! I love that this view of life is now more available to people and we are looking at creating a webinar soon! We will be sure to let you know.
Tagged in: workshop , produce , news , farm life , Behind the scenes of Cafe Gratitude , Be Love Farm
We are loving the SUNSHINE, and so are the tomatoes, cucumber and zucchini plants! Bees are buzzing around, happy to have dry weather and some fresh flowers to drink from. Strawberries are abundant and picked daily. Chickens are loving that the only water they get are in their waterers, or from irrigation sprinklers!
The tomatoes in the greenhouse are beautiful and ripening as well. Grandchildren are also enjoying the warmer weather, have no have need to be gathering around the campfire, and are getting to swim in the afternoons. Leadership Training happened this past weekend and I am so inspired by who is showing up for training in taking on a greater expression of being a leader in the awakening of unconditional love. How about you? No need to participate in the training to start expanding your personal expression of unconditional love in the world!
We have had some sadness in our community as well, the death of the brother of our long time bookkeeper, Greg. We ask that you please send love in the direction of him and his family as they deal with the transformation that is forced at times of emergency. Love is an amazing healer.
Tagged in: workshop , Leadership , inspiration , heart connection , expression , death , community , commitment to love , Be Love Farm
Being human is a unique kind of joy, a unique kind of sadness, and pain, and ecstasy. An old woman sat at my bar the other day, and told me she was having a bad day. She said, "Not all days can be good days, you know." As short as my life has been, I know this as well. Not all days are happy days. Some days are full of anxiety, others brim with sadness, and some seem dark but are laced with hope. On days like these, I sometimes have trouble accepting my life as it is. I think "If only they didn't have to go," "If only I hadn't been that way," or "Why is this happening to me?"
At times like these, I try to pay attention to the opportunity that I have. I chose to have a human experience, and that means that I will find many challenges in my life: separation, death, and parts of myself and others that I do not like. The tremendous opportunity that I have is to love it all, especially these things that I do not like, and to remember that each of these is a gift from the universe to make my life even more amazing. Rumi (a 13th century Muslim Mystic and poet), muses on this in his poem Guest House:
Tagged in: workshop , Shadow , self-transformation , present moment consciousness , inspiration , honesty , heart connection , create your life , commitment to love , challenge , cafe stories , awakening , authenticity , affirmation , abounding river practice
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."— Joseph Campbell This quote has been my mantra ever since I went to Hawaii for the Aloha Awakenings retreat in March. What a journey it's been getting there and returning - nothing short of miraculous - and all because I was willing to let go of the life I had planned.
I just recently relocated (again!) from Los Angeles to San Francisco, after a very strong message from Spirit to "Come Home" when I was sitting in the middle of the Pachamama Alliance annual fundraising luncheon on November 17 last year. I knew I was supposed to leave my beautiful Topanga Canyon home, but I figured I was going to land either in Santa Monica or Venice. As soon as I arrived in San Francisco the night before the luncheon, though, I had a very strong feeling that I was supposed to move back to northern California. In all my years in the bay area, I had never lived in The City; perhaps this was what was calling me. So, after that luncheon, I decided to pack up a few things, sell my car in L.A. and do a month's worth of house sitting in the bay while I looked for a place to live in San Francisco.
Even then I was letting go of the life I had planned, but that was just the first step.
Tagged in: workshop testimony , workshop , unstoppable , self-transformation , requests , Practice , Monday , inspiration , goals and asperations , dream , creating an opening , create your life , courage , Being present , abundance , abounding river practice
This weekend I attended The Abounding River, a workshop taught in a pay-it-forward style by the creators of Cafe Gratitude: Matthew and Terces Engelhart. I had flipped through and purchased the Logbook (which the work shop is based off of) so I kind of had a sense of what I was in for. I was excited that I would be exploring my self-worth, my relationship to money, and saying positive “I Am” mantras in the Cafe Gratitude style. What I did not expect was that I would leave with a much stronger sense of courageousness in my heart, a beautiful new ring (I will explain more about that later), and the option to take on a whole new view of my life. The workshop started Saturday morning. I snuck in quietly though the back door as a room of friendly people turned their heads to gaze at the sound of the creaking hinge. I managed to find a seat and the workshop began with us all introducing ourselves. Matthew and Terces sat up front and shared “Ok, so to start with this morning, We’d like for you to all share your name and one thing you are uncomfortable with sharing about your relationship to money”. Wow, I thought, as the source of my most embarrassing money secret instantly came careening to the front of my mind. I tried to think of anything else to share that wasn’t so embarrassing. As I thought, I listened. In the moments prior to my arrival, Matthew and Terces had created an environment of trust.
Many people around me were openly sharing their versions of their own money nightmares: some people couldn’t stop worrying about saving enough money or paying their bills on time while others couldn’t stop spending and were deeply indebted to friends, family, and banks. Finally it was my turn and the atmosphere of integrity couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth: “What I’m most embarrassed by is that I am still supported by my parents and I’m terrified of the notion that I will have to support myself one day”. Silence met my ears and it was over. I felt a sense of relief. My fears were on par with everyone else’s, even if the ideas that led to them were different: Now I know I’m not the only one with major fears around money.
The major perspective that is shared in this workshop is that money is inherently neutral: it is our own personal blocks that create our relationship troubles with it. We worked with partners to look at money from multiple perspectives and unveil what our subconscious ideas around money really look like. One example of this was thinking of our relationship to money as a friendship or romantic relationship and then answering questions like “Do you expect me to make you happy?” and “Is our relationship security to you?” The implications of our responses were profound. Most of us had terrible relationships. We worked to come to see how our perspectives could be different, Matthew and Terces were empowering us to take responsibility for our relationships.
Around lunch time we got an invitation to do a homework assignment: “During lunch we would like you to give something away- whether it is money- like a higher tip than usual to your waitress- or an item. We’d like you to give it to someone who is not in the workshop, to someone who has no idea why they are receiving from you then come back and report your findings to us after lunch”. I left having no idea what I was going to give- or how. I had no cash on me but I left it open.
I went to lunch with some of the participants at Gracias Madre- Cafe Gratitude’s sister vegan Mexican restaurant. I was sitting, happy to be out and exited to connect with some of the other participants on a more casual level. As I sat down at the family style dining table, there was a beautiful woman across from me wearing a lovely rose quartz and silver ring. I could tell it was a beloved belonging so I complimented her on it. I was looking for a connection to her and I had no idea how deep it was going to get. She looked at me and she said “you like this ring?” and I replied “yes its beautiful” she then preceded to take it off her finger and hand it to me, “its yours now”. Yes, she wasn't following the protocol of the assignment, she knew clearly that I was in the workshop with her, but she said she felt particularly attached to the ring and had been inspired to give it up, make it into an offering.
I felt honored and had some trouble receiving it. I had only wanted to connect with her and being gifted was a challenge to me. I called my own self worth into question. I was encouraged to accept and receive the gift. The ring is still on my finger now as I write this, its a beautiful reminder that life goes on, with or without our most prized possessions and that sometimes life really does deliver unexpected gifts.
On my way back to the workshop I realized I had nearly forgotten to give my gift. I reached into my bag and found my BART (bay area rapid transit) ticket. It had enough on there to get someone somewhere. I wanted to give to someone who clearly wasn’t in need- I wanted to prank someone with my gift: sometimes giving without reason is joyous and hilarious. I ran up to a girl my age putting gas in her tank and handed her the public transport card. “I want you to have this” I said. Surprisingly, without any skepticism, she said “thank you” and accepted it. I could learn a thing or two from her.
When we arrived back Matthew and Terces encouraged people to share their stories. I learned so much from hearing the people around me speak about their experiences. There were a few hilarious stories. I heard one participant in the workshop who had given his money to someone on the street and said to him “spend it well”. Apparently the person didn’t take kindly to the statement and replied “excuse me sir but do I tell you what to do with your money?”. It was a sweet anecdote that I felt pointed to a much larger relationship that the man had with money: needing to feel in control of where it went. We all laughed and took in the lessons everyone had to share.
We moved on to more exercises and talked about reconstructing our perception of debt. One woman shared her fear around debt from investments in music equipment. Terces shared “try to consider that you have been blessed with the gifts of what you were asking for and now the world is asking you to step into your gifts by creating wealth from the instruments you have received”. This was a revolutionary way of looking at the concept to me: Having debt comes from a place of having been abundant enough in the first place to have received what you were asking for AND you can choose to see it as a calling to create more abundance. How empowering.
We closed out the day with a final homework assignment: “Notice how abundant you already are and come back tomorrow to share your findings with us”. My mind was already calculating millions of anwsers: clean water, social services, friendship, health... We walked around the room sharing information and hugs and finally the day ended and I was offered a ride back to my home.
I would love to share with you about my second day and beyond, but if I do this blog post might turn into a novel. This workshop has been a blessing and has left me feeling more capable and abundant than ever before. What is even more amazing is that this is just one of several workshops offered throughout the year by Matthew and Terces at a Pay it Forward rate. People who are interested in supporting the benefits of workshops like these are encouraged to donate a limitless amount while people who are experiencing a financial challenge are encouraged to pay what they can: even if that doesn’t come in the form of cash. I am so grateful for all of the gifts I have received this weekend and I am paying my abundant feeling forward by trying on this new view of life and passing it on to others: A view of being provided for.
Click here to see a list of upcoming workshops.
Tagged in: worth , workshop testimony , workshop , sharing , pay-it-forward , money , giving back , generosity , by-donation , authenticity , abundance , abounding river practice
Hi, So happy to be home from Hawaii. The workshop on Community building was amazing and we are grateful to be here and getting ready for Spring! We have cabbage in the garden and the tomatoes in the greenhouse are looking strong and healthy! We had a surprise “hail/snow storm” last week! It was warm and beautiful and then all of a sudden it got cold and windy and then windy with thunder and lightning and SNOW! I am including a picture, as it is hard to imagine.
I am loving not wearing a jacket, first time this morning, when I get up early to feed the chickens. I notice I am starting to feel like tomatoes, and zucchini, and strawberries sound good. I love how my diet choices change with the seasons. I was sharing with Matthew yesterday how wonderful it is to walk about the farm when it is quiet and listen to the sounds of nature and feel my heart connecting with the earth. I wish that feeling for everyone.
Aloha!
I am heading to the other side of Maui today to visit Aya and Anis before heading home mid day tomorrow. We had a wonder-filled first Community Building Workshop on our farm this past week, with a key focus on restoring trust in one another. We were blessed to have Cheyenne and Dreux from our central kitchen and admin office join us. They both looked like new people when heading home!
Check online for our upcoming workshops for an infusion of inspiration!
Would you use these words to describe yourself?:
Dedicated
Persistent
Reliable
A Hero
...?
I certainly do. In fact, sometimes I catch myself calling myself "a hero" in my head to egg myself on to achieving my next great feat. What is that feat you may ask? Oh, you know... showing up at work early, and leaving early to help a friend before heading to a baby shower I said I would be at. If not that, than creating a 14 hour day out of attending a workshop and working for 8 hours. Than, of course, on my day off I could be doing 3 loads of laundry while cleaning the bathroom, the floors, the kitchen, the rugs, and the chicken coop. That's before I go grocery shopping and cook dinner for everyone in my house...
Tagged in: workshop , self-transformation , Love , hero , Gratitude , community , commitment to love