Consider for a minute that you are merely an organism on this planet. You are the result of every effect following another effect so far back that we cannot make out the fuzzy long distance image of what an original cause might have been. This moment you are experiencing right now is exactly what needs to happen and is what creates the moment you are experiencing now just seconds later. Imagine that there are countless timelines all moving forward and intersecting each other, with every person, every animal, every molecule experiencing a varied experience of the very same shared moment in history.

Life is so beautiful because of it’s diversity/difference and rich lush landscapes with one complex harmony of structures meeting another. The intricate network of nutrients in transit in the structure of a leaf sits against the cold lifeless concrete that’s been from the soil, to the factory, to the truck, laid down by a worker and has now seen thousands of these leaves live and die against it. When I slow down and think about the complexity of every object, every being, every aspect of my daily experience, I find that not only is the world inherently forever in motion and constantly changing but that each and every state of every thing is perfect.

Well, here comes the calf! Cacao, our precious and super friendly Irish Dexter Cow is in labor. This is her picture! She is pretty cute huh?

We are hoping the calf comes on Wednesday or Thursday while we are here, as I really want to be the arms she is delivered into. 

I'd like to share with you something that I am taking on practicing this month:  speaking up without having it all figured out.  This is a major stretch for myself in that I hate looking stupid and/or vulnerable.  I have considerable anxiety around being caught in criticism without my defenses up, without my side ready to explain itself.  I find myself repeatedly gearing up with evidence to present anyone who asks me about my politics, my decisions, my actions....

I am realizing that my compulsive need to have all evidence organized causes me to be in a separation story,  be in defense of the world, be a victim, and live a safe/reserved life.  Gearing up by having everything figured out 100% before I speak up, I'm creating the world as something that I am separate from... as if there are teams to be on or not on.  Not only that, but I am practicing as if I am a victim of an agitator.  I am creating a story that the world will attack me and that I must have everything organized and ready for battle to survive.  

By not acting or speaking up before I have 100% certainty, I've living a stale and safe life... I'm living small and not growing.  See bottom image of the treehouse- I'm visioning how this way of living is like living on the trunk of the tree, settling down and completely living on the most sturdy, solid and unmoving area of the tree (versus, see top image- getting out on the skinny branches: living without evidence. Growing and moving with fluidity).  I've been living a life based on evidence, a small and passive survival technique that I am not committed to.  

The farm next door is in foreclosure and we are focusing on how to purchase it in a short-sale and save the farmland from being destroyed. How is it we are constantly being encouraged to stretch even further? We are exploring all the options of possible community. Any interest?

Strawberries are still abundant, mulberries are ripening, lettuce, kale, collards, tomatoes all being harvested.

Corn is in the ground, chilies, cilantro, cucumbers, zucchini, okra and more.

This week I invite you to feel the burn.  Consider that if you aren't stretching yourself and feeling discomfort, that you are sedated and content... moving with the flow of how things already are.  

I've taken on several new commitments to myself these last few days in areas of my life that I've been feeling comfortable.  I've taken on fuller honesty in my relationships, giving up addictions, and exploring yoga.  It's allowed me to feel the borders that I've set up in my life to keep myself small-- boundaries that keep me safe from my imagined fears of judgement and failure.  By stretching outside of my comfort zone I get to explore my actual freedoms and choice that I have in my life.  It has me feel like I'm traveling:  exploring other ways of being and trying them on to see if that's more so what I want in my life.

This week I invite you to try on getting uncomfortable around something.  Matthew Engelhart always says that safety is a sedative.  What are you missing out on by playing a small game and hiding out in comfort?

Seven years ago today I was 19 years old and running away from a flirtatious and awkward 18 year old boy who wouldn't give up on me.  For months prior I kept giving hints that I wanted to be friends and nothing else.  I felt weird that he wasn't getting it, and I wasn't certain enough to outright tell him.  

We met online.  I was desperate for a roommate at the time and he thought that I was interesting.  I met him at my favorite smoothie/tea shop and he gave me my favorite movie on DVD (which he bought in preparation for our first meeting) before I even sat down.  He quickly became one of my best friends and we started working together dressing up as Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam for a tax company (which was far beyond his comfort zone, but allowed him to be close to me).  He obviously wasn't having a good time dressing up and waving at cars (something that I felt inspired about at the time).  We didn't have much in common.  I was a newfound feminist student activist; he was a programmer and gamer.  I was weary about dating him because I didn't see us having similar goals or even similar languages. I was the type of person that wore a prom dress made of duct tape.  He was the type of person who left high school out of disinterest.  

He made advances that pushed at the boundaries of friendship and I nervously rejected them, unsure of how such a relationship would work.  While sitting on the couch, he would reach for my hand or lean in for a kiss.  I didn't know how to react and so I didn't say anything and carefully avoided him in romantic settings.  I thought maybe something was wrong with him because I didn't understand why someone would be so intensely interested in me.