Anger is not my favorite emotion.  I do not consider myself an angry person, and I do not frequently experience anger in my life.  Situations that are uncomfortable for me usually elicit frustration, sadness, or hurt, before they ever touch the nerve of anger. 

I am beginning to realize, that even though I do not feel angry when people betray my personal standards of conduct, my anger does surface in other ways: silence, avoidance, and irritability.  I am beginning to consider that anger is actually on my side, and is trying to help me become more empowered in my relationships.  I push it down because of fear that it is not socially permissible, or that it will not be taken well.  Sometimes I am even afraid that if I let my anger out, it will simply be too much and run amok. 

WOW!  Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting my PhD in Not Taking it Personally.  A couple of weeks ago I wrote a powerful declaration of what I’m up to in the world and how I am using my physical body to portray it and be the change I wish to see in the world.  I am proud and empowered by literally taking Gandhi’s words into my life and make my life be dedicated to rupturing the oppressions that I feel and see in the world.  How this shows up, is that I don’t shave my legs and I’ve recently tried stopping plucking the hairs from my chin.  It has taken me several steps to get to this place of first noticing where I’m feeling disempowered, then making a difference, and now- speaking out about it.  I thought that I had it all figured out, that I was on top of any feeling of unworthiness and truly in my power as a woman fully in choice and freedom around my body.  Well, rarely are we ever done and finished with learning lessons.  As I’ve heard time and time again- as soon as you declare something, everything else shows up.

Immediately after posting I found comments on my blog that were hateful and degrading to me and my commitment.  I found that a link to my blog was mentioned on another website with dozens of responses and reactions to my commitment with disgust and hatred.  I felt attacked, alone,  diminished, defensive, angry… and then I recognized what work there is to do from my seat.  My emotional reaction to the circumstances of their comments is my work to push through.  It’s human to feel sadness with criticism and defensive with aggressive words… and it’s my job to stay in my commitments and weather the storm.  As Kindred Spirit reminds me, upsets are not personal:

I write this flying through the air, on a Boeing 737 aircraft, drinking a glass of white wine with the good company of strangers. 

I recently watched an interview with one of my favorite comedians, Louie CK who spoke about the incredible times that we live in.  As he says, everything’s amazing and nobody’s happy.  Watch the video here.  CK gives examples of situations like air travel and the wonders of technology where we can access a world wide web of information in a global sharing network at the tip of our fingers at all times; we can fly across the globe, seated comfortable in recline-able seats, served drinks and even access wifi internet connection.  We live in incredible times indeed.  What CK talks about in this interview though is our impatience with these marvels.  We’ve become callous to the wonders of science, our access to magical and incredible feats in human tool development.  I’ve seen myself and others go into complete rage over a delayed flight, or a phone working slowly. 

But here I am, shifting my attention from the cramped seating and squirming children next to me: I sit here on the plane with this mobile computer device (laptop) typing key by key to create my thoughts on a digital paper that I can send anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye.  I sit here looking down on the world from the sky, able to meet my friend in Baltimore just 5 hours from take-off and not 30 years of foot travel.  I am in complete amazement of the wonders that we live with today, and alarmed as to how we’ve fallen asleep to these miracles.  CK references our entitlement issues, our expectations and assumptions, which actually work against our better psychological health.  As an example, he references the upset of a fellow passenger on a plane who learned that there was wifi on the flight and then got angry learning that the wifi was slow.  I can see this mentality working across the United States and working against us.  Entitlement to me, is the opposite of gratitude.  Entitlement creates separation of the self from the world; it creates a story of exception and values of better-than/worse-than. Entitlement and questions of fairness lives in the world of scarcity- that there’s not enough.  Entitlement is a comparison story that always puts us against others, that crumples all generosity and puts us in the passenger seat- a victim of our circumstances.  This simultaneously puts us ahead of all others and sets us as inactive passive members of society.