This weekend I attended The Abounding River, a workshop taught in a pay-it-forward style by the creators of Cafe Gratitude: Matthew and Terces Engelhart. I had flipped through and purchased the Logbook (which the work shop is based off of) so I kind of had a sense of what I was in for. I was excited that I would be exploring my self-worth, my relationship to money, and saying positive “I Am” mantras in the Cafe Gratitude style. What I did not expect was that I would leave with a much stronger sense of courageousness in my heart, a beautiful new ring (I will explain more about that later), and the option to take on a whole new view of my life. The workshop started Saturday morning. I snuck in quietly though the back door as a room of friendly people turned their heads to gaze at the sound of the creaking hinge. I managed to find a seat and the workshop began with us all introducing ourselves. Matthew and Terces sat up front and shared “Ok, so to start with this morning, We’d like for you to all share your name and one thing you are uncomfortable with sharing about your relationship to money”. Wow, I thought, as the source of my most embarrassing money secret instantly came careening to the front of my mind. I tried to think of anything else to share that wasn’t so embarrassing. As I thought, I listened. In the moments prior to my arrival, Matthew and Terces had created an environment of trust.
Many people around me were openly sharing their versions of their own money nightmares: some people couldn’t stop worrying about saving enough money or paying their bills on time while others couldn’t stop spending and were deeply indebted to friends, family, and banks. Finally it was my turn and the atmosphere of integrity couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth: “What I’m most embarrassed by is that I am still supported by my parents and I’m terrified of the notion that I will have to support myself one day”. Silence met my ears and it was over. I felt a sense of relief. My fears were on par with everyone else’s, even if the ideas that led to them were different: Now I know I’m not the only one with major fears around money.
The major perspective that is shared in this workshop is that money is inherently neutral: it is our own personal blocks that create our relationship troubles with it. We worked with partners to look at money from multiple perspectives and unveil what our subconscious ideas around money really look like. One example of this was thinking of our relationship to money as a friendship or romantic relationship and then answering questions like “Do you expect me to make you happy?” and “Is our relationship security to you?” The implications of our responses were profound. Most of us had terrible relationships. We worked to come to see how our perspectives could be different, Matthew and Terces were empowering us to take responsibility for our relationships.
Around lunch time we got an invitation to do a homework assignment: “During lunch we would like you to give something away- whether it is money- like a higher tip than usual to your waitress- or an item. We’d like you to give it to someone who is not in the workshop, to someone who has no idea why they are receiving from you then come back and report your findings to us after lunch”. I left having no idea what I was going to give- or how. I had no cash on me but I left it open.
I went to lunch with some of the participants at Gracias Madre- Cafe Gratitude’s sister vegan Mexican restaurant. I was sitting, happy to be out and exited to connect with some of the other participants on a more casual level. As I sat down at the family style dining table, there was a beautiful woman across from me wearing a lovely rose quartz and silver ring. I could tell it was a beloved belonging so I complimented her on it. I was looking for a connection to her and I had no idea how deep it was going to get. She looked at me and she said “you like this ring?” and I replied “yes its beautiful” she then preceded to take it off her finger and hand it to me, “its yours now”. Yes, she wasn't following the protocol of the assignment, she knew clearly that I was in the workshop with her, but she said she felt particularly attached to the ring and had been inspired to give it up, make it into an offering.
I felt honored and had some trouble receiving it. I had only wanted to connect with her and being gifted was a challenge to me. I called my own self worth into question. I was encouraged to accept and receive the gift. The ring is still on my finger now as I write this, its a beautiful reminder that life goes on, with or without our most prized possessions and that sometimes life really does deliver unexpected gifts.
On my way back to the workshop I realized I had nearly forgotten to give my gift. I reached into my bag and found my BART (bay area rapid transit) ticket. It had enough on there to get someone somewhere. I wanted to give to someone who clearly wasn’t in need- I wanted to prank someone with my gift: sometimes giving without reason is joyous and hilarious. I ran up to a girl my age putting gas in her tank and handed her the public transport card. “I want you to have this” I said. Surprisingly, without any skepticism, she said “thank you” and accepted it. I could learn a thing or two from her.
When we arrived back Matthew and Terces encouraged people to share their stories. I learned so much from hearing the people around me speak about their experiences. There were a few hilarious stories. I heard one participant in the workshop who had given his money to someone on the street and said to him “spend it well”. Apparently the person didn’t take kindly to the statement and replied “excuse me sir but do I tell you what to do with your money?”. It was a sweet anecdote that I felt pointed to a much larger relationship that the man had with money: needing to feel in control of where it went. We all laughed and took in the lessons everyone had to share.
We moved on to more exercises and talked about reconstructing our perception of debt. One woman shared her fear around debt from investments in music equipment. Terces shared “try to consider that you have been blessed with the gifts of what you were asking for and now the world is asking you to step into your gifts by creating wealth from the instruments you have received”. This was a revolutionary way of looking at the concept to me: Having debt comes from a place of having been abundant enough in the first place to have received what you were asking for AND you can choose to see it as a calling to create more abundance. How empowering.
We closed out the day with a final homework assignment: “Notice how abundant you already are and come back tomorrow to share your findings with us”. My mind was already calculating millions of anwsers: clean water, social services, friendship, health... We walked around the room sharing information and hugs and finally the day ended and I was offered a ride back to my home.
I would love to share with you about my second day and beyond, but if I do this blog post might turn into a novel. This workshop has been a blessing and has left me feeling more capable and abundant than ever before. What is even more amazing is that this is just one of several workshops offered throughout the year by Matthew and Terces at a Pay it Forward rate. People who are interested in supporting the benefits of workshops like these are encouraged to donate a limitless amount while people who are experiencing a financial challenge are encouraged to pay what they can: even if that doesn’t come in the form of cash. I am so grateful for all of the gifts I have received this weekend and I am paying my abundant feeling forward by trying on this new view of life and passing it on to others: A view of being provided for.
Click here to see a list of upcoming workshops.
Tagged in: worth , workshop testimony , workshop , sharing , pay-it-forward , money , giving back , generosity , by-donation , authenticity , abundance , abounding river practice
Dragonfly Crystals is the pilot project of Amanda Self, a former Cafe Gratitude shift leader from our Oakland Whole Foods location.
Early this evening a young gentleman I don't recall seeing before pops in the door and rather sheepishly asks if he might have a Grateful Bowl, even though he has no money. 
I love what these yoga studios are doing. They are making yoga accessible through a pay-it-forward system similar to what we're doing with