I signed up for the Landmark Forum for a few reasons: it came highly recommended by those I knew who had completed it, it was highly scrutinized by those who had not, and I knew there was something big going on that I wanted to see for myself. My written intention on the application read something like, "I want to figure out what I want to do with my life."I almost didn't show. The 30 minute bike ride to the new center from my house in the Mission, at the (ungodly, for me) hour of 8:15 AM, was excrutiating. Seriously. I was cursing myself the entire way and making every excuse to turn around... I don't need it... I already know everything they'll be teaching... My life is just fine the way it is... I could probably figure it all out myself... Everyone I know who's done it still has huge blindspots. I did feel reassured that I had people on the outside who had my back--there to make sure I didn't get brain-washed.
On the first break, I called one of these people and expressed my doubts. She encouraged me and told me everyone she knew who had completed it got something from it and she reminded me that I was strong enough to handle it. Then I told her, "I'm afraid I'll lose myself." Her reply was exactly what I needed to hear. "Wow, losing ownself actually sounds really nice." And I began to contemplate what self I was so desperately clinging to.
Tagged in: surrender , self-transformation , relationship , possibility , landmark testimony , Landmark , family , authenticity