One of the things that you hear most about healthy relationships, families, and communities is that they are built on trust.  Now, I have to admit, that this confuses me a little bit.  I mean, what is this ‘Trust’ thing anyway? To find out more about how to cultivate trust, I did a bit of research.  John Gottman, Ph.D. at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley defines trust using the acronym ‘Attune’:

•  Awareness of your partner’s emotion;
•  Turning toward the emotion;
•  Tolerance of two different viewpoints;
•  trying to Understanding your partner;
•  Non-defensive responses to your partner;
•  and responding with Empathy.

Are you surprised?  I have to admit that I was.  I grew up in a culture where having ‘trust’ in a relationship meant something straightforward, like having trust that someone is not ‘cheating’ on you, or trusting that they will show up when they said they would.  Matthew and Terces seem to have a similar idea about trust in relationship.  Here are some of the things that they are committed to:

So first - the story. Yes! The story, who can i be without the story? A man in the wilderness sitting squatted in padmasana meditating about the self... Of course the story, once you succeeded, transforms into the path. The story is the funny thing we get to remember. The story is what puts bunions in the feet of our ego. The story, once expressed, is ether released into reality, and whoever gets to witness (if they are well enrolled) can help you reach the greatest goal. 

I am inspired by a great friend of mine who has the courage to make an incredible journey and goal for himself, follow through, and listen and change it when the people he cares about ask him to stop.  My friend Garrett took it upon himself to walk a pilgrimage from his hometown in Vista, CA in San Diego county all the way up to Portland Oregon.  I am floored by his incredible goal and his commitment to this journey as he’s been walking since June to make his way north as what he calls “a journey without and a journey within”.  He spent most of the walk without even a sleeping bag and has slept many of his nights on the streets and eating canned food as he finds it.  Garrett is a gentle soul whom I have always looked to for guidance in unconditional love.  He’s housed many homeless men in his home and has an unstoppable lifelong devotion to being in service to the planet.  He met with me last night after over 300 miles of walking since June and told me about his decision to stop his journey. 

Garrett is beginning his training to become a friar for Saint Frances.  During his plan for this journey his advisor requested that he not walk the pilgrimage in concern for his safety and in need of his services elsewhere.  Garrett told me how he felt conflicted around wanting to make the trek, and knowing how powerful the journey is for him… and also respecting and honoring the request of his supervisor.  Garrett chose to obey his advisor’s wishes and concluded his journey in the middle of California, not reaching his goal to reach Portland and travel through the Missions.

What especially inspires me about Garrett’s story is actually his ability to be open-minded while being focus on his goal.  I typically witness in myself a drive that gets so strongly intent on the outcome of my goal that I never look up or take into consideration any other input or any change in direction.  I admire Garrett for his ability to walk with selflessness, and then him stopping and releasing his personal goal to be in service where people ask of him.

Tim VanOrden had retired from collegiate cross-country skiing at the age of 20. At the time, bad knees and a case of athletically-induced asthma knocked him out of the game, despite living in Vermont, one of the cleanest air environments in the United States. For 18 years, he did not train, trek, or cross anything.

Sometimes being with the upset of others is easy for me.  When my best friend, or my lover come to me, complaining, afraid and resistant, sometimes a soft smile will grace my face.  Of course, I’m not happy that they are upset, but I am able to stand and watch their stormy emotions, be present for their experience of fear and separation, and smile at the beautifully human experience that they get to have, and that they will watch me have some day.  I choose loving them unconditionally, and so I choose to be present for their upsets too.

With other people – coworkers, acquaintances, and friends’ partners - it can be more challenging to hold the seat of unconditional love. I think part of the challenge here comes from my ego trying to insist that, “I didn’t choose these people!”  Speaking from experience, I can say that it is much harder for me to be present for someone’s upset when I feel like I didn't choose them and want them to go away.

Today, I am practicing choosing people that are a stretch for me to love.  It allows me to accept my coworkers upset when I can see that I choose them to do my life’s work with.  I can be more patient with a friend’s partner when I see that I choose them, as a human being who is trying to live  in integrity and learn about love.  As for those acquaintances that I just want to go away?  Maybe I can choose them, choose being their friend, and in doing so choose the parts of me that are afraid to be left out.

I want to report a robbery.

At dawn a hummingbird stole my purpose for living.

Gone is that nagging drive to paint some masterpiece