I'd like to share with you something that I am taking on practicing this month: speaking up without having it all figured out. This is a major stretch for myself in that I hate looking stupid and/or vulnerable. I have considerable anxiety around being caught in criticism without my defenses up, without my side ready to explain itself. I find myself repeatedly gearing up with evidence to present anyone who asks me about my politics, my decisions, my actions....
I am realizing that my compulsive need to have all evidence organized causes me to be in a separation story, be in defense of the world, be a victim, and live a safe/reserved life. Gearing up by having everything figured out 100% before I speak up, I'm creating the world as something that I am separate from... as if there are teams to be on or not on. Not only that, but I am practicing as if I am a victim of an agitator. I am creating a story that the world will attack me and that I must have everything organized and ready for battle to survive.
By not acting or speaking up before I have 100% certainty, I've living a stale and safe life... I'm living small and not growing. See bottom image of the treehouse- I'm visioning how this way of living is like living on the trunk of the tree, settling down and completely living on the most sturdy, solid and unmoving area of the tree (versus, see top image- getting out on the skinny branches: living without evidence. Growing and moving with fluidity). I've been living a life based on evidence, a small and passive survival technique that I am not committed to.