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The Self Examiner

Sharing is very important to us at Cafe Gratitude. This blog is our means of connecting with you, our community through sharing what's happening with us and creating a conversation around the many facets of this community.
Tags >> divorce

I am love listening to that thought

Treasure

Excerpt from Kindred Spirit

The first year of marriage felt stressful, intense and new.  We had all these dreams of a house and children.  John had just graduated with his Masters in Business and was intent on helping to build a start-up company.  I had recently closed a business into which I had deeply invested my identity. We began to trigger each other’s wounds.  I behaved in ways I'm not proud of.  I screamed and lost control. Then he left me.  I went into blaming myself, feeling shame and being devastated.   In the Clearings at Cafe Gratitude I was asked questions such as, how can you take responsibility, where can you apologize, and who are you making out to be wrong?  I was trained in the practice, the mantra; I am love, listening to that thought, centering myself in love, but then I started down again – into the shame and inadequacy tunnel.

After being completely out of communication with John, his birthday came along and I invited him out for tea. He agreed. It was intense to meet up with this man again.  Here I had thought I was going to have his children and grow old with him.  Instead, we were experiencing our final encounters: negotiating closure, settling money and figuring out how we could share the same friends without running into each other again.  My conscious intention for the birthday tea was to Be Love.  My internal monologue wanted to make him wrong and judge him for anything he did.  I practiced "I am Love, Listening to that thought" and I stayed present.  At the tea he asked me, "Why are you here?"

I said, "I want to support you in having an amazing Life!”

"How?" he asked.




on Dec 31, 2010 Posted by: Treasure | Comment (0)
Tagged in: relationship , Love , divorce , communication

Invitation to Practice: Giving it up

cheyenne

Great Wall of China crumbling over timeThis week I invite you to give it up.  

I've lead my share of protests and studied resistance movements.  I've emerged myself into identity politics quandaries and alliance building.  Trust is something that I've only given when there's evidence, which isn't really trust at all, but more like math:  for every time someone "double-crosses" me, I take one steps back in trusting that person again.  For every time I was fulfilled I take one step forward.  This dance in the end has me living life in place, static and stale.  I've held back, been defensive and then gathered evidence for the troubles of world and stayed at home.

An amazing friend of mine is a huge inspiration to me in regards to trust.  She has had her fair share of discouragements and falls in relationships and jobs.  She's been hurt, refused, turned against and abused.  Moving from one job to another and one relationship to another... she's never been single and not looking for a partner.  


on Dec 07, 2010 Posted by: cheyenne | Comment (2)

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