One of the things that you hear most about healthy relationships, families, and communities is that they are built on trust.  Now, I have to admit, that this confuses me a little bit.  I mean, what is this ‘Trust’ thing anyway? To find out more about how to cultivate trust, I did a bit of research.  John Gottman, Ph.D. at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley defines trust using the acronym ‘Attune’:

•  Awareness of your partner’s emotion;
•  Turning toward the emotion;
•  Tolerance of two different viewpoints;
•  trying to Understanding your partner;
•  Non-defensive responses to your partner;
•  and responding with Empathy.

Are you surprised?  I have to admit that I was.  I grew up in a culture where having ‘trust’ in a relationship meant something straightforward, like having trust that someone is not ‘cheating’ on you, or trusting that they will show up when they said they would.  Matthew and Terces seem to have a similar idea about trust in relationship.  Here are some of the things that they are committed to:

I am writing this as an elder in our community, and am thanking you in advance for listening with open hearts. My intention is to empower you and to take a stand.

I have read your letters and heard your requests in regards to Occupy Oakland's General Strike. I appreciate your passion, commitment and urgency. Here is what I would like for you to consider:

As individuals we have great freedom in standing up for what we believe in and support. We are free to take great risks and be responsible for whatever consequences there may be. We are free to make our choices. I celebrate this freedom.

In the past few days, I decided to recommit myself to a pretty simple practice. A quick note about simple practices: what I mean when I say “simple” is that it requires one or two steps, like sitting meditation, or washing my dishes within 24 hours. The joy with simple practices, of course, is that they hold my entire world in their exercise. If we take on that the way we do one thing is the way we do all things, simple is just an optical illusion. The stuff we’re working on is going to show up whether we’re orchestrating a complex, multi-million business model, or in “chop wood, carry water.” So in a way, “simple practice” is more of a reassurance to my resistance. Don’t worry; I tell myself, it’s a simple practice! Then it’s harder to talk myself out of it (though it seems my ego can wiggle its way out of anything) and it feels more manageable. It’s all just talk though, after all, since the big results are the same present moments strung together as small results, but it’s helpful talk.

That being said, my practice has been not fudging with time. I have a habit of saying, “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” when there’s really very little chance I could get there in less than fifteen. I’m usually fudging five or ten minutes, and most often this happens with friends, not with work or professional relationships. I noticed this habit and didn’t like where it landed me: rushed, contracted, and lying. For me, this is more work on wise speech - “fudging” is easier to allow myself than “lying”, but they’re the same thing. Fudging is only different from lying in the amount I’ve deemed it acceptable to not be in line with the truth. Well, I’m playing the big game here, so I know that if something is off, even just a little, that’s where my current path is to more freedom. (That’s what I love so much about things being off-center -- I have a beautiful treasure map of the place I’m getting to dig in and grow.)

In 1984 I was 28, married and had two young children.  I was a carpenter by default and my experience was we had no money.  I remember wanting to go to the movies one night and scrounging for lost change in the sofa cushions.  On my father's 70th birthday, my family missed the celebration.  I had neither a car that would make the five-hour trip nor the money to rent one.  While I longed for more material security, i rationalized my circumstances as the result of my Spiritual focus.  I believed that Spirit and matter were irreconcilable.  I "chose" the Spiritual life.  I was sure money and God were not compatible.  I couldn't see that one aspect of my belief system was a smoke screen for playing it safe and avoiding failure in something I termed the "real world."

Life's current began revealing to me that material abundance and my spiritual values were not exclusive.  I joined a group studying "A Course in Miracles" and in the session I declared that I would "make" $10,000 in the month of September, I wrote my promise on a piece of paper.  It was April and I had never made even one-fifth that amount in any given month.  Soon my declaration was forgotten.  In August a commercial roofing job came to my attention.  The job was way beyond my skills requiring specialized equipment and training.  I bid it without any experience and without a clue of how I would get it done.  I received the contract, subcontracted commercial roofers, and profited $10,000 in September.  It was a month later I remembered my written declaration and awakened to the connection between my word and my world.

 

Revolution is an everyday thing.  How can Café Gratitude, the greatest responsible/delicious/community-based/ethical restaurant in creation as of right now, reduce even more of its foot print in all areas?

The following email conversation is between myself (almighty universal Vinicio) and our vendor representative at a major, waaay major food distributor. You have no idea how much food these people move. We've kept the privacy of the vendor. Read & enjoy: short & sweet.

Integrity is the system working.  Integrity shows the solid strength of a person, an organization, a container.  If integrity is out, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong.  There's nothing bad about being out of integrity, just as being in integrity doesn't necessarily mean that there's something right.  Integrity is just the system working as it is.  

Integrity will move in and out as organizations grow, or as projects move.  I see it being as natural as seasons and as beautiful and creative as our natural planet.  As integrity moves out (say, if staff come in late when we've made a commitment to being on time) then it's a creative moment for us to see the leak in the container and decide to recommit to coming in on time or create a new system that better matches what we're committed to.  If being your word is a source of power... being out of integrity is your ability to stretch and grow.  The trick is to not make yourself or the organization wrong when you are out of integrity.

Consider that we are constantly repeating ourselves to create a strong structure, that we are reminding ourselves and others whenever integrity is out.  One of my favorite theorists, Judith Butler explains how repetition creates an opening for choice and re-evaluation.  She uses the concept to describe how social norms are created and maintained as dissent comes up and the repetition of thoughts and beliefs re-attach what is created to be "normal" or "central".  In this, she explains, we have an opportunity to re-evaluate and envision various options:  just as we are about to repeat, we see the possibility of change.